Author: Dorothy Tobias-Williams

Do you ever lie in bed at night and think, “Is this really it?” If you’ve been wondering how to find your purpose, you’re not alone.

You’re doing everything you’re supposed to do. You go to work. You take care of everyone. And you keep showing up. But something inside you keeps whispering that there’s more for you.

I know that whisper well. And if you’re hearing it right now, I want you to know something first: feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re ready to grow.

In this guide, I’m sharing how I went from feeling completely stuck to rebuilding my life, plus 7 simple steps to help you find your purpose one small step at a time. You don’t have to change your whole life today. You just have to start with one thing.

My Story: From Stay-at-Home Girlfriend to Nearly Six Figures in 8 Months

Years ago, I was a stay-at-home girlfriend in a relationship that didn’t serve me. I had no job, no resume, and no real work experience since high school. I was raising my son, and I felt stuck in every sense of the word. Stuck in my relationship. Struggling financially. Living a version of my life that I knew wasn’t the one I was meant to live.

But I made a decision: I was going to change my life.

I studied. Then I applied. Next, I stepped back into the workforce, and within 8 months, I was making nearly six figures. I moved into my own place, built stability, and created a life for my son and me that felt safe and free.

However, that didn’t happen because everything magically fell into place. It happened because I stayed locked in on the vision and kept taking action, even on the days I didn’t feel like it.

It all boils down to two things: your mindset about the goal, and the consistent actions you’re taking to achieve it.

From my book Unlimited Faith

And I’ll be honest with you about something else. Financial stability matters a lot to me. For years, I put my dream career on the back burner because I needed that security. I’m only now going after the creative work I always felt called to do: writing, modeling, and creating content that helps women like you. So if you feel like you’re “late,” you’re not. I’m right there with you. In fact, I’m sharing that journey as it happens in my post Building in Public: Sharing the Climb Before the Summit.

Why You Feel Stuck (And Why It’s Not a Failure)

Feeling stuck in life can look different for everyone, but it often shows up like this:

• You’re going through the motions, and every day feels the same.
• You keep comparing your life to everyone else’s.
• You know you want “more,” but you can’t name what “more” is.
• You’ve put everyone else first for so long that you’ve lost track of what you want.
• You’ve found yourself typing “what to do with my life” into Google late at night.

Here’s what I’ve learned: stuck usually happens after life has asked you to survive for a while. Paying the bills, raising kids, getting through a breakup, a job loss, or a hard season. Survival mode is real, and it doesn’t leave much room to dream.

But at some point, you get to choose what happens next.

I had a choice: to stay stuck in what I didn’t get or to rise with what I had.

From my book Unlimited Faith

Sometimes, what feels like being stuck is actually a quiet season. A pause that’s getting you ready for what’s next.

Slow doesn’t mean stuck. Stillness doesn’t mean stagnation.

From my book Unlimited Faith

Why Finding Your Purpose Matters

Purpose isn’t just a nice feeling. In fact, research shows it can affect your health, too.

A study published in the journal Preventive Medicine followed more than 13,000 Americans aged 50 and older. People with the highest sense of purpose had about a 15% risk of dying from any cause during the study, compared with 36.5% for people with the lowest sense of purpose. And the protective benefit was stronger in women. (Source) So if you’ve ever wondered whether it’s worth the effort to find your purpose as a woman with a full plate, the research says yes.

Other research from Washington University in St. Louis found that people with a higher sense of purpose tend to make healthier lifestyle choices and feel better about their own health. (Source)

In other words, finding your purpose isn’t selfish. It’s a form of self-care.

How to Find Your Purpose: 7 Steps for When You Feel Stuck

1. Ask Yourself What You Actually Want

This sounds simple, but most of us have never truly asked. We’ve been told what to want by our families, by social media, by the people around us. When I finally left the life that wasn’t working for me, the biggest shift was this:

I started asking: What do I actually want? And for once, I gave myself permission to go find it.

From my book Unlimited Faith

Grab a notebook and answer these questions without editing yourself:

• If no one would judge me, what would I try?
• What did I love doing as a little girl?
• What do people always come to me for help with?
• What would I do even if no one paid me?

Don’t worry about having perfect answers. You’re just getting reacquainted with yourself.

2. Clear Out What’s Draining You

It’s hard to hear your purpose when your life is full of noise. In my book, I call this “cleaning the house,” and I don’t just mean your kitchen counters.

Take an honest inventory of your life: the people you spend time with, the accounts you follow, the music and shows you consume, your habits, your spending, even the way your home is set up. For each one, ask yourself: Does this support the woman I’m becoming?

Once you’ve done that, start small. Clean out one drawer. Unfollow five accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Say no to one invitation that drains you. Every little bit of space you clear makes room for clarity.

What you keep keeps you. And what you release, frees you.

From my book Unlimited Faith

3. Raise Your Standards for the People Around You

If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: know your standards, especially when choosing a partner.

When I was younger, I was following a more superficial lifestyle instead of just being myself. That meant I looked for the wrong things in people, and I settled for less than what I genuinely wanted. Don’t be afraid to know what you want and go after it. There is someone out there who will match it.

And this isn’t only about romantic relationships. It’s about everyone and everything you let into your life: friends, family, coworkers, even the content you scroll through every day. If it’s discouraging you, if it isn’t supporting your growth, if it doesn’t make you feel better, you don’t have to listen to it.

As a result, good people around you make your purpose so much easier to find, and so much easier to keep.

4. Notice What Lights You Up

Your purpose often hides in the things that make you feel most alive. For me, it’s helping women. When I share something I’ve learned, whether it’s in a blog post, a YouTube video, or a TikTok, and a woman tells me it helped her, I feel it in my whole body. That’s how I know I’m on the right path.

For one week, pay attention to the moments when:

• Time flies and you forget to check your phone
• You feel energized instead of drained
• You catch yourself smiling for no reason

Next, write those moments down and look for patterns. Your purpose is usually hiding in plain sight.

5. Take One Small Step You Can Control

This is the step I want you to remember most.

When you feel stuck, look at one thing you can control that you want to do, and take one little step toward it. Just one. Then follow through. When you do, it creates a positive change in your life or in how you feel, and that makes you want to do more of it.

There’s research behind this, too. Harvard Business School professor Teresa Amabile and her team analyzed about 12,000 daily diary entries from 238 people. They found that making progress on meaningful work, even small wins, was one of the biggest boosts to how people felt and how motivated they stayed. (Source)

Your one small step could be:

• Taking a 10-minute walk
• Writing one page of the book you’ve been dreaming about
• Signing up for one class
• Posting that video
• Going to bed 30 minutes earlier

It doesn’t have to be a huge life decision. One little thing can make a big difference, and you’ll notice that one positive change.

6. Have the Guts to Go For It, Even When You’re Scared

For a long time, I didn’t have the guts to pursue my dream career. I’m doing it now, and I wish I’d started sooner. If there’s something sitting in your heart, keep having the guts to go after it.

After all, fear is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path. It usually means you’re about to grow.

The fear you feel? It’s just the threshold between who you are and who you’re becoming. Walk through it.

From my book Unlimited Faith

Have faith in yourself. Picture the life you want and act like it’s coming. And surround yourself with people who believe in you.

7. Be Patient With Your Season

Finding your purpose isn’t a one-day event. It’s something you uncover, layer by layer, by trying things and paying attention to how they feel.

Some seasons will feel exciting, while others will feel slow and quiet. Either way, both are part of it.

Sometimes your “boring” season is actually your breakthrough in disguise.

From my book Unlimited Faith

Try This: The Wheel of Life Exercise to Find Your Purpose

If you’re not sure where to start, the Wheel of Life is one of my favorite tools. It helps you see where your life feels full and where it feels empty.

Here’s how to do it:

• Draw a circle and divide it into 8 slices, like a pizza.
• Label each slice: Career, Money, Health, Relationships, Family, Personal Growth, Fun, and Home.
• Rate how satisfied you feel in each area from 1 to 10.
• Look at your lowest score. That’s where to take your one small step this week.

Want to make it even easier? Grab my free printable Wheel of Life worksheet. It includes the wheel, a simple scoring page, and prompts to help you choose your one small step.

What to Do If You Still Can’t Find Your Purpose

If you’ve tried these steps and still feel lost, please be gentle with yourself. Here are a few things that can help:

• Give it time. Purpose often shows up through action, not thinking. Keep taking small steps.
• Talk to someone you trust. A friend, mentor, or coach can often see your gifts more clearly than you can.
• Get support if you need it. If feeling stuck comes with constant sadness, hopelessness, or trouble getting through your day, please reach out to a doctor or mental health professional. There’s no shame in getting help.

You are not behind. You are right on time.

From my book Unlimited Faith

Frequently Asked Questions

You’re Already Becoming Her

If you’re reading this, you’re already doing the work. You’re asking questions. You’re looking for more. That’s where it starts.

Remember, you don’t have to figure out your whole life today. Just choose one small step, and take it. Then take another one tomorrow.

If this post spoke to you, my books go even deeper into finding your strength, letting go of what’s holding you back, and building the life you want.

I’d love to hear from you: what’s one small step you’ll take this week? Tell me in the comments below.

Sources

• Having a strong sense of purpose in life may help you live longer, study suggests (FOX 35, on a study in Preventive Medicine)
• For a healthier 2018, find purpose in life (Washington University in St. Louis)
• The Power of Small Wins (Harvard Business School Working Knowledge)

The day I cut my hair

I’ll start with a confession: the first brave thing I did on my way back to myself, back in June 2024, wasn’t big. It didn’t involve a business plan, a bank account, or a bold announcement. It was a haircut.

For a long time I wanted to go short. I’d save photos of short styles and picture myself with them. But every time I got close, I talked myself out of it. I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy for me, and somewhere along the way I’d started shaping myself around what someone else might like. My long hair felt like part of the version of me I was supposed to be for that person.

Then one day it clicked. I was already emotionally done, and I was deeply unhappy. The approval I was protecting wasn’t there anyway. So why was I still holding my own life hostage for it?

I cut my hair.

It sounds so small, and that’s exactly the point. That one choice was the first time in a long time I did something purely because I wanted it. Then I did another small thing. And another. Each one was a little vote for the real me, and each one gave me a little more courage for the next. I started taking my power back. Before, I’d given it away every time I bent to what someone else wanted. Now I was making choices my way, starting with my own body.

I didn’t wait until I felt brave. The haircut made me brave.

That’s what this blog is about. Not the summit. The climb, and the small, real steps that get us there.

Why I’m sharing the climb now, not after the summit

Most of the success stories we see are told from the top of the mountain. The business is already built. The money is already in. The glow-up is complete. And while those stories can be inspiring, they can also leave us feeling further behind. We see the finish line, but not the messy middle where the real work happens.

I’m an author, a model, a creative, a wife, and a mom. I’m also a woman who works a 9-to-5 and is building her way toward a life of creative and financial freedom. I’m not there yet. And I’ve decided I don’t want to wait until I “make it” to start sharing my journey and helping other women.

Here’s why.

Because you deserve to see the middle. When I wrote my first book, I was stable, but I still lived with a constant worry about money. Stability alone didn’t give me peace. Now I’m building toward more: more freedom, more peace, more time doing what I love. I’m proof that you can be in progress and still be moving. You don’t have to have it all figured out to be worth listening to.

Because I’m the only one who can tell my story. I’m not a doctor or a therapist, and I won’t pretend to be one. What I have is lived experience. I’ve walked through hard seasons and kept climbing. When I share research in this blog, it’s to back up what I’ve lived, not replace it.

Because building in front of you keeps me honest. Saying my goals out loud and showing my real steps holds me accountable. And I hope it gives you permission to start yours, today, as you are.

Because I want more than “here’s my book.” My book matters to me deeply. But I want to give you something fresh every week: real stories, real tools, and real encouragement that meets you wherever you are.

What the research says about starting before you’re ready

My haircut moment felt personal, but it turns out science backs it up. Three ideas changed how I think about starting.

1. Small wins create big momentum

Harvard Business School professor Teresa Amabile and psychologist Steven Kramer studied nearly 12,000 daily diary entries from 238 people. They wanted to know what actually keeps people motivated. Their answer, which they called the Progress Principle, surprised them: the most powerful boost to motivation and mood was simply making progress on meaningful work, even small progress. (Harvard Business School Working Knowledge)

Amabile pointed out that big breakthroughs are rare, but small wins can happen regularly when you break a goal into manageable pieces. That’s why my content calendar is one small task a day. One blog post. One photo. One video. One haircut.

What this means for you: You don’t need a giant leap. Just take a step today, and then another one tomorrow.

2. Courage requires vulnerability, with boundaries

Researcher Brené Brown, who has spent years studying shame, courage, and vulnerability at the University of Houston, defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. She argues it isn’t weakness. It’s where courage begins. (Psychology Today)

But here’s the part I love most: Brown also teaches that vulnerability isn’t the same as oversharing. It’s about the quality and intention of what you share, not the amount. Building in public doesn’t mean putting your whole life online. It means showing up honestly, with boundaries. (More on that below.)

What this means for you: You can be brave and private at the same time.

3. Fresh starts are real, and you can create one

Wharton professor Katy Milkman and her colleagues discovered what they named the fresh start effect. People are more motivated to pursue goals at moments that feel like new beginnings: a new year, a birthday, a new month, even a Monday. Gym visits, goal-setting, and searches for the word “diet” all spike around these dates. (Penn Center for Health Incentives and Behavioral Economics)

The researchers also noted that you can create your own turning point. Something as simple as buying a new jacket can mark a new chapter. (Psychology Today) For me, it was a haircut.

Milkman is also honest about the limit: a fresh start is only a start. It helps you begin, but it doesn’t guarantee the habit sticks. (Freakonomics Radio) That’s why the small daily wins matter so much. The fresh start opens the door, and the small wins keep you walking through it.

What this means for you: Don’t wait for January. Pick a day, mark it, and begin.

Where I am on the climb right now

Since I’m building in public, here’s my honest progress report.

What I’ve already done:

• Published my book, Unlimited Faith. It started in a season of uncertainty, and it’s proof that I can finish what I start.
• Hired a business coach. We meet every other week. Having someone hold me accountable has been one of the best investments I’ve made. I learn so much from other people, their stories, and our conversations.
• Rebuilt my website so it’s ready to be a home for this community.
• Built a simple, repeatable plan for creating content: one small step a day.

What I’m working on now:

• Writing this blog, starting with this very post.
• Getting back into modeling. It’s one of my favorite creative outlets, and new shoots start this month.
• Sharing on Pinterest, Instagram, and YouTube so this message can reach the women who need it.

What freedom looks like for me: peace, joy, time with my family, and the ability to say yes to the things I love without worrying about money. I’m keeping some of my personal goals and plans private, and I’ll explain why next. But the feeling I’m chasing is one I think you’ll recognize: freedom.

Nothing on this list is glamorous. That’s exactly the point. This is what the middle of the climb really looks like.

Building in public with boundaries: you don’t have to share everything

When people hear “building in public,” they often picture someone posting every detail of their life. That’s not what I’m doing, and it’s not what I’d recommend for you either.

I’ll share the lessons, the wins, the setbacks, and the tools. I won’t share every plan, every number, or every detail about my family. Some things are meant to be protected, and keeping them private is part of living a healthy life.

I’ll also be honest about some hard seasons in my past, including a relationship that wasn’t safe for me. When I talk about those experiences, my focus will be on what I learned and how I healed, not on anyone else. I’m not here to tell a story of bitterness. I’m here to tell a story of freedom.

If you’ve lived through something similar, I want you to know it’s real, it’s more common than most people think, and you’re not alone. In a 2023/2024 national survey, the CDC found that more than 1 in 3 women in the U.S. have experienced physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. Nearly 1 in 3 have experienced psychological aggression from a partner. (Safe States Alliance summary of CDC NISVS data)

If you’re in an unsafe relationship right now, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline any time at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

Here’s a simple boundary filter I use before I share anything:

1. Does this help her? If sharing it won’t help the woman reading, I don’t need to share it.
2. Is it mine to share? My story is mine. Other people’s details are theirs.
3. Have I healed enough to tell it? I share from a scar, not an open wound.
4. Am I telling it with love? Even hard stories can be told with grace.

You can use this filter too, whether you’re posting online or just deciding what to tell a friend.

Try this: find your own “haircut moment”

Grab a journal or the notes app on your phone. This takes about 10 minutes.

1. Name the summit. Write one sentence about what you want your life to feel like. Not what it looks like, but how it feels. (Mine: peace, freedom, joy.)
2. Find what you’ve been putting off. List three small things you’ve wanted to do but keep waiting on. Think “cut my hair,” not “quit my job.”
3. Ask the honest question. Next to each one, write who or what you’re waiting on. Their approval? The perfect time? Feeling ready?
4. Choose your haircut. Circle the one you could do this week.
5. Mark your fresh start. Pick the day. Write it down. Tell one person you trust, or just do it, like I did!
6. Celebrate the small win. When you do it, write one sentence about how it felt.

Then do it again next week. That’s the whole secret. One small, brave, honest step at a time.

I’d love to hear what your haircut moment is. Share it in the comments or tag me when you take your step.

Faith for the climb

I named my book Unlimited Faith because I’ve learned that faith isn’t waiting until the path is clear. It’s taking the next step while it’s still foggy, with an abundance of faith.

The haircut story isn’t in the book. I only realized how much it mattered recently, while talking with my business coach. But it carries the same message that runs through every page: you can trust God, trust yourself, and move before you have all the answers. Every big change I’ve made started with one small act of faith.

If this post spoke to you, Unlimited Faith goes deeper into how I learned to believe in what I couldn’t see yet and keep going anyway. Get your copy here.

And if you’re not ready for a whole book, that’s okay too. Start with the exercise above. Come back next week for the next post. I’ll be here, climbing right alongside you.

With love and unlimited faith,

Dorothy

Frequently asked questions

• Question: What does “building in public” mean?
  Answer: It means sharing your journey toward a goal while you’re still working on it, not just after you’ve reached it. You show the progress, the lessons, and the setbacks so others can learn and grow alongside you, through videos, blogs, and social posts.
• Question: Do I have to share everything to build in public?
  Answer: No. Brené Brown’s research makes a clear distinction between vulnerability and oversharing. You decide what’s helpful to share and what stays private. Boundaries protect you and your family, and they keep your sharing healthy.
• Question: What if I’m not ready to start?
  Answer: Most of us never feel fully ready. Research on the Progress Principle shows that small steps forward build motivation, so readiness often comes after you start, not before. Pick one small action you can take this week.
• Question: How do I handle negative comments?
  Answer: Remember who you’re showing up for. Not everyone will understand your journey, and that’s okay. Focus on the women you’re helping, don’t argue with critics, and protect your peace by limiting what you read or watch. And surround yourself with supportive people.
• Question: What is the fresh start effect?
  Answer: It’s a finding from Wharton professor Katy Milkman and her colleagues: people are more motivated to pursue goals at moments that feel like new beginnings, such as a new month, a birthday, or a Monday. You can also create your own fresh start with a meaningful personal moment.
• Question: How can I share hard parts of my past without sounding bitter?
  Answer: Focus on your own growth rather than on the other person. Share from a place of healing, not fresh pain. Tell the story to help someone else, and leave out details that aren’t yours to share.

Sources

• The Progress Principle, Harvard Business School Working Knowledge
• Brené Brown’s Netflix Special Busts Six Vulnerability Myths, Psychology Today
• Q&A with Dr. Katy Milkman, Penn CHIBE
• Why We Form New Year’s Resolutions, Psychology Today
• Are You Ready for a Fresh Start? Freakonomics Radio
• CDC National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, Safe States Alliance